The baby is here and the first challenges are already beginning! On this day, all babies should be celebrated regardless of their birthday! The term "baby" refers to a child in its first year of life. During this time, it is often fed with breast milk. The term infant is derived from the associated sucking reflex.
"Once the baby is here, theeeeeen…
… nothing will ever be the same again!
No more going out!
No more meeting friends in peace!
No more cinema visits!
And of course, no more sex!
When you have children, all that will change, you'll see.
Enjoy the time while you still can! It will never be the same again!"
You hear plenty of sayings like these or similar when the due date is approaching. What experienced parents prophesy is not exactly encouraging. It sounds like: "The fun is over. From now on, your child rules your life. External control: Your new 'boss' will show you the way".
But is it really that bad? Does EVERYTHING actually change?
Yes and no. Such prophecies are, of course, always a bit pessimistic and exaggerated.
The baby is here, and many things will change – but not necessarily for the worse, because otherwise no one in the world would want to have children, right?
The child changes everyday life
The baby is here and one thing becomes clear very quickly: everyday life as you knew it no longer exists in that form. Unfortunately, the newborn does not yet have a day and night rhythm. From now on, you are no longer as spontaneous when an invitation from friends arrives at short notice or visitors announce themselves. But that's part of it when you decide to become parents. Everything has its pros and cons, and everything has its time. That life with a baby is different from a partnership without children was to be expected. Nevertheless, new parents can hit the ground of reality hard with their first child. The euphoria about the baby has overshadowed everything so far, and now it turns out that not everything is rosy. Nevertheless, after the first disappointing experiences, you don't have to see everything in black. You will very soon realize how much your child enchants and enriches your life and your partnership.
Don't listen to everything and don't let yourself be unsettled!
Don't let sayings like the ones mentioned at the beginning throw you off track. Horror scenarios that promise you won't sleep through the night for years and that you can completely give up on your partnership are by no means set in stone. For some, the first period is worse, for others, the baby practically runs alongside.
The truth probably lies somewhere in between. It always depends on what you make of the situation and what your baby is like. Be confident and have some courage for change! After all, you are not the first parents in the world to manage this.
A baby is a test
One thing is clear: A baby is a test for a relationship. Anyone who decides to have offspring to save the relationship will quickly be taught otherwise. A relationship that is already in crisis will not get better from one moment to the next just because a baby moves in with you. This calculation will not work out. A normal, stable partnership with normal ups and downs, on the other hand, will probably even be strengthened by a new family member. However, both partners must be prepared to put their own needs on the back burner for a few weeks or months.
Find compromises!
Raising a child as a couple means teamwork. Many compromises have to be found – division of labor and equality. If one person changes the baby, it's the other's turn to empty the dishwasher or prepare dinner. Ideally, neither partner should feel as if the entire responsibility rests only on their shoulders. To this end, both must keep an eye on an even distribution of working time and workload and support each other to the best of their ability. It is important to look beyond your own nose and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Mothers often feel they have to be there for their offspring around the clock, while fathers "only" go about their jobs for the usual 8 hours. And the fathers, for their part, often think that the mom has it quite good because she is at home all day (at least in the beginning) and can manage her time wonderfully.
It would be a great help for both if everyone could spend a day in the other's shoes. By swapping roles, both would realize what the other has to achieve and understand the other side better.
A matter of attitude
It is also a horror story that from the birth of your child, going out and having fun is over for both parents for the time being. With a bit of creativity and flexibility, many things are possible. Often, cherished habits can also be maintained with the baby. A visit to a café with your best friend is certainly possible. Even the birthday party of a couple of friends can perhaps be attended as a couple, although probably only briefly and not as extensively as before. With an alternating division of labor, you can still enjoy the party: one takes care of the baby, the other can talk undisturbed and in peace. After all, both don't have to be constantly hovering around the baby.
An appointment calendar helps with coordination and keeps an overview. Plan some time each week that everyone has for themselves. Ideally, both parents should also be able to go out together and without the baby – a babysitter makes it possible. Each of the two parents will now do quite a lot alone for a while, but a stable partnership can easily withstand that too. However, it should be fair so that no one misses out. Each of you has the right to live out and develop your personality.
Like before, only with a baby
At some point you will realize that it is actually just like before – only with a baby. Sure: you have to make a few compromises here and there, but in return you are richly rewarded on so many other levels. The important thing is: you are still yourselves. This must be preserved so that each of you can contribute fully to the family with all your wonderful gifts.
In short: Life with a baby might be a bit different and quite exhausting, but stunningly beautiful!
