Pregnancy is always exciting. Especially when there is already an older child. Many parents hope for love and anticipation. But how do you deal with potential jealousy in the sibling? And how can parents gently announce the pregnancy? We have nine smart tips for you.
Older siblings: No need to fear jealousy
For a long time, the first-born child is the center of the parental universe. There are no rivals. And all interest is focused on him or her. If a second child is now on the way, this can lead to deep insecurity and overwhelm. The result is often jealousy and anger. Experts speak of "dethronement".
This situation often makes parents sad, as they usually wish for great sibling love when having a second child. Yet jealousy is completely natural and initially not a cause for concern. After all, the arrival of a sibling is a major life event for the first-born child. If you understand this and react accordingly by involving and valuing your child early on, you can soften the jealousy and the "shock" of the second pregnancy for your "big" little one. Then your child will usually look forward happily to what is coming.
Tip number 1: Choose the right time
Even if the anticipation for you as parents is great and you would love to announce it to the whole world, you should wait a little with the pregnancy announcement for the first-born child. In other words: let a bit more than the usual three months pass. Especially if your first-born child is still small. Because then they don't yet have a developed sense of time. The change can only be experienced when the belly grows significantly. So once it is visible, you can talk to your sweetheart about the fact that a newcomer is on the way.
Tip number 2: Stick to the truth
Many children look forward to soon having a new playmate after the announcement of the new pregnancy. The fact that they have to be patient after the birth until the sibling is ready often leads to great disappointment. Knowledge helps here. Always stick to the truth and explain that a newborn will first spend a lot of time sleeping, drinking, and crying. Gently explain that small babies have different needs than older children and still have a lot to learn.
Tip number 3: Explain vividly and step by step
Announcing a sibling requires detailed and vivid explanations. So take enough time and feel free to use a few aids. Nowadays, there are great, age-appropriate books that paint a realistic picture of the changes the newcomer brings. For example: "A Baby in Mommy's Tummy". Do you perhaps have friends with a small baby? Then a visit is worthwhile so that your child can hold the tiny one once to get a feel for a newborn. This is usually a great experience that your sweetheart will talk about for a while.
Tip number 4: Involve your child
As the birth gets closer and the belly is already big, you can also involve your child in the preparations. Why not get out the baby clothes together and marvel at the little rompers, socks, and hats. Or think with your child about what kind of stuffed animal the baby might like. Weigh out some flour and explain how heavy the baby in the belly is now. Or illustrate the size with the help of a fruit.
Other ways to actively involve your first-born child:
- Paint the baby bump with cream or finger paints.
- Look at old baby photos with the older sibling. Create a close bond and explain exactly what babyhood was like with him or her.
- Cuddle together and crawl with fingers on the belly, stroke it, and poke it very gently.
- Think of names for the sibling together.
- Attend a sibling course. Many midwifery practices offer these. Here, older siblings are prepared for the arrival of the little newcomer with the help of practical exercises and explanations, in the company of other children. The first-borns learn, for example, how to change diapers, feed, and snuggle.
Tip number 5: Don't force anything and don't overwhelm
At the same time, you should not put too much pressure on your child. If they don't feel like sorting baby clothes or painting Mommy's belly, that must be okay too. Sense your sweetheart's moods. You should also not try to force feelings. Sentences like "You have to love your sibling" usually don't help.
Tip number 6: Develop new habits
Once the baby finally arrives, your everyday family life is turned upside down (again). Especially when the mother is still in the postpartum period with the newborn and needs rest. This is when the partner is more in demand than ever.
It makes sense for the partner to establish new habits and rituals even before the birth, which will then continue after the birth of the second child. For example: always reading something in the evening, fixed playtimes, or taking the first-born sibling to kindergarten.
Tip number 7: Exclusive time with parents
Once the baby is there, the "big" child must not be neglected. It is very important that even after the birth of the little sibling, they still have their time alone with Mom and Dad. Friends, grandparents, or a babysitter can help here, for example by taking the baby for a walk for one or two hours. Or you can use smart aids like the swing2sleep. The automatic baby hammock developed by us gently rocks the newborn to sleep – and often for several hours. Then you have peace for your first-born. During this time, you should not be folding laundry or tidying up the apartment. This is when the older child has your full attention.
At the same time, the first-born can perhaps also be provided with new caregivers. Maybe the big one would like to be out and about alone with Grandma or Grandpa for a change?
Tip number 8: Allow closeness
Have trust in your first-born and allow closeness between the siblings. The older child will certainly want to cuddle or kiss the baby. And this should be allowed by you. Involve your big one and tell them again and again how important and nice their help with the daily tasks with the little one is.
Tip number 9: Look closely
Even well-prepared siblings can sometimes be jealous or angry; they might hit, bite, cry more, or suddenly start talking in baby talk again. Behind such reactions are always real needs that demand attention. So the rule is: look closely at when and in which situations the older sibling shows this behavior. Then you can take targeted action so that no frustration arises.
These questions your child might have when a sibling is on the way:
A good answer for every question. This is how you can answer even difficult questions with your first-born child.
What does a baby eat in the belly?
“Your little sibling gets their food through the umbilical cord directly into their belly. The umbilical cord is a kind of tube. Everything Mom eats goes into the baby's belly in very, very small pieces. They can't eat through their mouth yet.”
Tip: Do not mention that the child is nourished via the mother's blood. Especially smaller first-borns might be disgusted by the idea of eating blood.
Can you touch the baby through the belly button?
“No, that's not possible. The baby grows in the uterus. That is a warm cave in Mom's belly. It is tightly enclosed by skin and muscles and therefore very safe in the belly. Take a look at your own navel – it's closed on the inside. Poke your finger in. You'll notice you can't get very far. And it's the same with Mom. The baby cannot look out of the navel and therefore you cannot touch it either.”
Tip: Don't get too abstract here. It is enough if you paint a picture of coziness and safety.
Was I in the belly too?
“Yes, you were. And you were also very safe in your warm cave. We were really looking forward to you and stroked the belly every day.”
Tip: Do you still have a photo of the big baby bump? Then show it to your child and explain that they were inside there as a little baby.
How does the baby get out of the belly?
“At some point, the baby is big enough to come into the world. Then it gets quite tight in the belly and it would rather be with us! Then it comes out between Mom's legs. That can take a while, but that's completely normal.”
Tip: Do not mention anything about pain. Otherwise, your child will only remember: The baby hurts Mom.
A small conclusion
As beautiful as it is to bring a sibling into the world, the change can be a great challenge for the whole family. So try to stay calm as parents. Even if jealousy or rejection occurs: with a lot of patience, time, space, and above all a lot of love, the first-born child will surely soon get used to their sibling and learn to love them.
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
